I waited for my life to start
for years, standing at bus stops
looking into the curved distance
thinking each bus was the wrong bus;
or lost in books where I would travel
without luggage from one page
to another; where the only breeze
was the rustle of pages turning,
and lives rose and set
in the violent colors of suns.
Sometimes my life coughed and coughed:
a stalled car about to catch,
and I would hold someone in my arms,
though it was always someone else I wanted.
Or I would board any bus, jostled
by thighs and elbows that knew
where they were going; collecting scraps
of talk, setting them down like birdsong
in my notebook, where someday I would go
prospecting for my life.
I'd like to believe that for a person to have a self-fulfilling life, that they have to experience this kind of feeling. I am still turning the pages of life and allowing the sliding papers with its rough sound and gentle breeze to take me along with them. I don't really care much for permanent trips; I'd rather be blown away the the last wink of a candlelight, or like a fragile leaf on a windy day...
Or I would board any bus, jostledby thighs and elbows that knewwhere they were going; collecting scrapsof talk, setting them down like birdsongin my notebook, where someday I would goprospecting for my life.
Pastan is just incredible with words. I am with you...