oh internet

hi tag.

well, i once promised i would never just stop replying if i wanted to end things with you. i would writing and tell you... so i guess that is what i am doing now. i’m sorry if that is hard for you.

but you know i will always be just a fantasy to you. i don’t blame you at all... cause i am much better a fantasy than a reality and you know that and i know that too. but with the chat room closed and my finally realizing this, i think it is time i tried rejoining the real world. what i want i can’t have... cause i want you. and not just as your mistress. i want all of you. you must know that. and you know i’ll never really have you. you practically said so in that e-mail... the one where you were talking about the two of us out there in the sky outside the airplane window... somewhere where we can finally be together, and you were right... we can’t exist in the real world.

oh, tag. i kept waiting for you to tell me something about you i really wouldn’t like. or maybe say something really jerky. then we could just have a fight and you could call me a slut like my husband used to and that would be the end. but it didn’t happen. i told you to stop being so sweet. but you wouldn’t. so here i am.

i need to start meeting real people. try to find a guy down here. i don’t want to... but i know i have to. and i need to forget you if i’m going to try.

i don’t know why i’m saying all of this... except i’m sorry i did this to you. i showed you someone who wasn’t real and got you to like it, maybe even love it, but tag there is nothing there... i see that now... i am not that person, there is no one like the person you thought i was, and you should forget that person because she doesn’t exist.

-       lisa33, 240. Dan Allan.

reference: Allan Dan. 2003. lisa33. USA: Viking Penguin.